THE DREGULATOR VOL. VII # 13: CAT FIGHT ON PENNSYLVANIA AVE.

The Clinton bunker has finally been busted; the poison pellets have been eaten. America has spoken: the Clintons, for all their Democratic voodoo, got too good at the game not to end up looking like the same robot-lizards they were supposed to be fighting against. Bill, the angrier and more apoplectic he got, began to look more and more like a David Mamet version of Barney the Dinosaur American Brontosaurus: a gritty drama of personal downfall for kids from ages 7 to 70. Avalanches of small lies, four martini lunches, ethical compromise, and domestic strife, all played in a warm sing-song voice by Alec Baldwin.
It just would have been too unnerving to have Big Purple Bill as First Lady, lurching around the White House with not enough to do, poking his head into the James Brady briefing room and disrupting press conferences in his track suit, eating a Danish.
Even just four seconds of deep thought on the subject reveal the abject impossibility of Hilary ever having had a shot on the ticket with Obama as his VP. Without even taking Hilary’s dangerously irresponsible and desperately ugly RFK assassination-quip into consideration, and without even considering the reports that Bill could never have survived the legal vetting process, it’s just too hard to imagine Obama wanting Hilary hanging around in Dick Cheney’s old job, trying to tell him what to do.
Hilary as Cheney would be a grudge-trip at best: a high-speed romp into meddling in all the affairs she didn’t get to fuss with the last time she was in the White House, compounded by all the fuzzy personal boundaries she no doubt would have with the President, having once had unrestricted access to the president she was married to.
It’s hard to imagine Hilary and Michelle Obama comfortably sharing the same bathroom, let alone the same White House, or the same Presidential husband-type male power figure. Given too much proximity, Michelle and Hilary would probably require a whole new fingernail-proof line of St. John Knits.
But it’s over. The Clinton dynasty must return to their lawn chairs and wait for Chelsea to grow up and avenge them.
Obama, in the meantime, is proving to be the most organically powerful and charismatic leader America has had since the Kennedy brothers or Martin Luther King, which makes Hilary’s RFK comments all the more bone-chilling, particularly while Sentator Obama is standing in large crowds declaring that the DNC has stopped accepting money from federal lobbyists and political action committees. While this in itself is more of a gesture than an actual cash sacrifice, many besotted Obama supporters are extremely nervous about his heroic declarations of intent to dismantle the K Street culture of corrupt influence when he isn’t encased in something like an armored Popemobile.
It is hard not to worry about a man offering that much hope.
We can only pray that the ghost of Benazir Bhutto is haunting Senator Obama enough to be properly paranoid – like, somewhere around Howard Hughes level-paranoid.
In the meantime, though, Obama’s intoxicating harnessing of the invisible power of the grunt-level, greater American public and their ten and twenty-dollar bills is inspiring forays into other uses of mob-power.
A chain letter circulating this week urged all recipients to boycott $4.00/gallon gasoline, and all gasoline from EXXON/MOBIL, with some rather compelling ocholocratic mob-logic:
“LOOK AT THE EXAMPLE OF SUBWAY’S FIVE DOLLAR SUBS AND
HOW IT FORCED QUIZNO’S TO CHANGE THEIR PRICES. QUIZNO’S NOW HAS 5 DOLLAR SUBS. AIRLINES ARE NOW COMPETING WITH ONLINE SITES (LIKE EXPEDIA.COM) TO BEAT THEIR PRICES…WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER GALLON!” insists this chain-letter, which claims to have originated from the keyboards of a retired Coca Cola executive and an ex-Halliburton employee.
“We CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war,” the letter insists.
“Here’s the idea: For the rest of this year, DON’T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one),EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit….
I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.”

While this chain letter may not hit the “30 million people in eight days” it aspires to hit, it does seem like an interesting experiment. There is, at the very least, great appeal in doing absolutely anything that might exact any type of revenge on Vice President Cheney and his energy sector friends, no matter how lamely symbolic.
Power of the People, my Fiends – I guess it’s been buried in the closet along with the old striped bellbottoms for so long, we forgot we owned it.