THE DREGULATOR VOL. VI. # 14: LA LAW VS. DC LAW

“Have you noticed how the farcical media is covering the uproar over the Libby clemency as compared to the uproar over the LA sheriff’s leniency to Paris Hilton?….. Do you wish the colonies had stuck with England and we turned out like Canada?”
— Commenter Steve Bolger on The Caucus (NY Times.)
“The fact is that George Bush can’t stand Queen Elizabeth….He can’t stand to talk to her and he can’t stand to be around her. The only way he could deal with her is booze, booze, and more booze.”
— A White House “Insider,” to the GLOBE, re: the Queen’s visit in May, when “the President’s drinking got completely out of control.”
The fix was in. It goes to show you: you have to have the right friends. Scooter Libby committed scads of felonies while obstructing justice, but if you’re friends with President Cheney,nothing is truly illegal. Paris, instead of sleeping with Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis, should have been in bed with Alberto “Oily Bear” Gonzales – then she might have been able to buy a loophole even bigger than the one in her tiny blonde head.
Special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald (the unwitting Bob Fosse choreographing the Kabuki production of Ring-Around-the-Rove-y) has closed his investigation without ever charging anyone with leaking Valerie Plame’s identity.
Which, I guess, means Nobody leaked it. I’m speaking, of course, of the “Nobody” of Family Circus cartoon fame, who also works as a political consultant and head of the White House Office of Strategic Initiatives.
Mr. Bush is beginning to resemble Richard Nixon less ( Nixon having buckled under the weight of his own indecency enough to resign), and Pope Alexander VI more. I just hope that future American Presidents start wearing ornate papal dresses to dazzle the Great Unwashed. Then maybe the whole ‘claiming- infallibility-on-earth-due-to-having-been-elected-by-God’ – thing will go over more successfully. Bush almost achieved this semiotic personal superpower with the “Mission Accomplished” flight suit codpiece…but really, boys: if it’s ‘holiness elevated beyond the laws of man’ you’re selling, you need gold brocade and a tall hat. People are controlled by their passions, and nothing sells sex like a little Milano bling: just ask Donatella…. or Lucrezia Borgia.
Oily Bear, and the weaker, smaller animals who follow him around (e.g. Bonzo, the Other White President), in the words of Joe Wilson, are “corrupt to the core…[but] We know the difference between right and wrong, even if this administration doesn’t.”
Too bad Wilson, a former US Ambassador, wasn’t around to point out right and wrong and aid diplomacy between the U.S. and England during the queen’s visit in May, if one is to believe the “source” from the GLOBE:
“The queen made the mistake of telling [Bush] that she joined the nation in hoping and praying that he and Laura would be able to resolve their marital differences …..the President fired back, ‘Don’t tell me what’s best for my nation and don’t tell me what’s best for my marriage. This is MY business! I’d appreciate it if you would just stay out!’
He was absolutely seething……he told some aides, ‘The queen of England is going to offer ME marriage counseling? … I’m the President of the United States! The queen of England doesn’t tell me what to do!’”
We’ll probably invade England soon.
Fat, unpopular boys like Karl and Dick always think the end justifies the means. They’ve never been truly liked by anyone. To feel safe, they need to own the ball, and the field, and the players, until the world resembles the 1919 World Series and they’re the Chicago Black Sox.
The Sox however, were actually observed by an attentive press, who didn’t like a corrupt game.
From the transcript of Tony Snow’s brief to the Press Corps:
Q: Are the American people owed some kind of apology from someone in this administration for the leaking of a C.I.A. person’s name, personnel’s name?
Mr. Snow: Yeah, it’s improper to be leaking those names.
Q: … So you’re saying someone — someone in this administration owes the American public an apology?
Mr. Snow: I’ll apologize. Done.

Hey! Tony kissed all the boo-boos and absorbed all the poisons infecting the Western world! Go back to attending to your diseased colon, now, Mr. Snow –you’ve earned it.
Citizens should be collectively poised to swarm on evil-doers. If we all ganged up and threw our laptops at terrorist hijackers, they’d have a much harder time stealing planes.
The transcript, at this point, does NOT say that the Press Corps collectively attacked Tony Snow and filled him with thousands of ball-point pen-holes.
One can only blame it on their having watched too much TV.
That’s “Trash,” to you, Fiends.