DREGULATOR VOL. VI, NO. 10

“The reason that we went into Iraq was to establish a permanent military base in the Gulf region….”
— Former President Jimmy Carter, Feb. 3, 2006
“The United States maintains 737 military bases in 130 countries across the globe. … In order to secure favorable access to Iraq’s vast reserves of light crude, the United States is spending billions on the construction of at least five large permanent military bases throughout that country.”
Lewis Seiler and Dan Hamburg, San Francisco Chronicle, April 30, 2007
“Charlie, we’re not in the process these days of doing permanent bases anywhere.”
— Condoleezza Rice to Charlie Rose, in a US State Department Press Release, May 7, 2007.
If perception is power, and he that controls the perception has the power…then:
Q. Who’s the Daddy?
The Big Boys and girls have been engaging us in a game of Perceptual “Peek-A-Boo!”
It keeps us guessing and amused. It’s sort of like dislodging a cell phone from the mouth of a crying toddler by singing in a high voice and replacing it with a Twinkie.
We keep taking the Twinkie! Dang.
Perception Twister #1: Exit strategy? Oh, did Daddy need an Exit Strategy? Oh, silly Daddy. Well, next time, he promises to know better. “One of the reasons we had no exit plan from Iraq is that we didn’t intend to leave,” said UC San Diego Professor Emeritus and ex-CIA agent Chalmers Johnson. So, really: Daddy don’t need no stinking exit strategy. But that’s too spicy for you, honey.
Oh, and by the way…? All those guys who’ve been having trouble doing their jobs lately? The ones who happen to be your employees as taxpayers? Go ahead: shake your finger at them very sternly, and yell at them, and say whatever mean thing you want to them. They will look sheepish ….even a little defensive!
But no, you can’t fire them. That’s for Daddy to decide. They “serve at his pleasure” (which is very S&M).
Alberto “Mi Abogado” Gonzales? Yep…. he lied! Call him names! But unless you actually throw sticks and stones: he’s staying. You don’t put a dog down just because it ruined every single carpet in the Hall of Justice.
Paul Wolfowitz? He’s decided to stay on, at the World Bank, despite repeated demands for his head over that indiscreet little “Oh, and My Girlfriend Gets $200K,” embezzlement-prank.
He’ll most likely be keeping the World Bank gig, thanks. He likes the kicky perks.
Oh wait, so…. is what they meant by Political Theater?
And The President? Despite the blood-curdling screams of the American people and even harsh reprimands from his own flying monkeys, he’s still tossing out vetoes right and left. It’s kind of like drunk driving, but it ultimately kills a lot more people and bankrupts the entire country.
But Paris Hilton? Well, still going to jail, so far. She needs bigger allies, obviously. She should have made a porn tape with Robert Gates; she might be vacationing in Qatar right now.
Ironically, the President is allegedly drunk again, too: “LAURA FLEES BOOZING BUSH!” screamd the Globe cover article. “The scuttlebutt is he’s back on the 80-proof,” quoth the article, reprinting gossip leaked to none other than E! gossip maven, His Majesty Ted Casablanca, “from a reliable source and confirmed by a former White House staff member who is still close to Mrs. Bush.” Apparently, when the President began slurring his words again, Laura, recognizing the mark of Devil Bourbon, fled the White House in disgust and began camping across the street at the Hay-Adams. “The President doesn’t want a divorce but won’t recognize that there is anything wrong with their marriage,” said Ted’s source. “…Laura has put up with so much.”
Best answer to the question “But Why? WHY?” came from Allan Schnaiberg, psychiatrist and Professor at the Institute for Policy Research at Northwestern University.
“First and foremost, George W. Bush has a ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)’” wrote Schnaiberg.
“…The most disturbing aspect about narcissists… is their pathological inability to empathize with others…
…(I)s George Bush willing to risk the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands more American soldiers, on an outside chance to save his political skin, in a half-baked plan that even he knows probably won’t work at all? Yes, he is. Because George Bush is that narcissistic, that desperate, and yes, that sociopathic as well…
… The insufferable “holier than thou” attitude associated with “Dry Drunk Syndrome” is indicative of underlying narcissism…
…Finally…those persons with NPD are notoriously unable to say they’re sorry…. Anyone having this particular character flaw almost certainly has NPD.”
Well, I haven’t heard a “Sorry” yet. Neither has Laura, apparently, nor Iraq, nor You, the American People.
But that’s what you get for rolling with the NPD, Fiends. Malignant Narcissists may be fun to hang out with, for a while – they are the life of the party – but eventually, you’re probably going to want to hang out with someone who actually cares about you, as a citizenry, and get a few of your needs met. You just deserve so much more.