DREGULATOR VOL. VI #9 :

“Iraq has never been a threat to us. We invaded them. I mean, it is unbelievable. The military-industrial complex not only controls our government lock, stock and barrel but they control our culture.” — Alaskan Senator Mike Gravel
If you think of the American people as poor little Ireland Baldwin, and her divorced parents as Alec Baldwin (the narcissistically bonkers, Right-wing, bully-boy Daddy regime) and Kim Basinger (the whining, petty, victimized, masochistic-Mommy-Left), it appears that the only real solution for 2008 is for the courts to grant the custody of all American citizens to a nice foster country like Finland until both sides can behave like reasonable grownups.
But, until that day comes, the wars continue….. as do the backhands, manipulations, and untruths.
The late Cpl. Pat Tillman, for example: well…..Dad sorta killed him. It was an accident. The bad thing was that Dad lied about it and tried to make it the accident look “inspirational.”
Mom wasn’t having it, nor was little Jessica Lynch, poster-girl for the Global War on Terror (GWAT!). Jessica suffered from acute disorientation when Dad, trying to look “cool,” took her out for a 360-degree Dukes of Hazard-style narrative donut-spin in the armored car.
“The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals of heroes and they don’t need to be told elaborate tales,” Ms. Lynch told the committee.
Jessica’s not your little girl anymore, Dad. She’s getting her own phone, and she doesn’t have to answer your calls if she doesn’t want to.
I guess we have to think of the good ol’ Woodrow Wilson technique of fomenting War Will with domestic propaganda sort of like the plots written for a season of the World Wrestling Federation. If the narratives have sufficient dramatic oomph…Americans might believe we are actually fighting over there in far-off desert lands!
Of course, it would help if we could see our military decked out in appropriate battle wigs and Kevlar swim trunks.
Cui Bono’d from such bono-headed propaganda? Who Benefits? I mean Cui Specifically Bono?
Oh, duh: the Department of Defense. They always Bono. They’re like the Cui’s Cui of Bono-ing. It’s a Bono-nanza. It’s a veritable Cui-Quagmire.
As a tiny example, your intrepid Dregulator was lurking around the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) Grand Challenge in 2005, and learned that the section of DARPA’s $3.2B budget apportioned to host that robot contest was secured when their director, Dr. Tony Tether, insisted to Congress that if robots had been driving the supply vehicle that Jessica Lynch had been in, the whole terrible Jessica Lynch thing never would have happened.
Congress wiped their boozy old noses on monogrammed handkerchiefs. Yes, Tony,….build more robots for JESSICA. Here’s another squillion dollars. BLESS YOU, sir.
DARPA, that wiley old skunk-works. Still retroactively fixing the Cold War with ever-more advanced erector sets. Your tax dollars at work for Tony.
For Jessica? Not so much.
Cui Bono’d on the Virginia Tech Massacre? Well, NBC…..and the dead murderer, thanks to NBC – the unwitting media Bonnie to his Clyde, as it were.
But it’s impossible to be mad at NBC for too long, because Keith Olbermann is so smokin’ HOT when he gets all lathered up, takes off his silk top-hat, removes his gloves, walks across the ballroom and slaps the Living Jesus out of Rudy Giuliani.
“How dare you, sir?” spat Olbermann in a musth of ‘Special Report’ outrage. Blue State ladies hid blushes behind their fans and thought, Ooooooh, gurrrrrrrrgle.
Keith took exception to some of Giuliani’s recent crypto-fascist bully pulp: “America will be safer with a Republican president;” and “Make no mistake, the Democrats want to put us back on defense;” and (therefore): “If we are on defense, we will have more losses and (the fighting) will go on longer.”
Keith was SO not having it. Black smoke poured from his ears.
“Yours, Mr. Giuliani, is the same chilling nonchalance of the madman, of the proselytizer who has moved even from some crude framework of politics and society, into a virtual Roman Colosseum of carnage…!”
Yeah, Go ahead Rudy, make Keith’s day!
Keith got wa-a-a-ay up in Rudy’s grill:
“Become the candidate who runs on the Vote-For-Me-Or-Die platform! Do a Joe McCarthy! A Lyndon Johnson! A Robespierre!”
Pistols at dawn, sir! (Blue women scream, tear lace out of their petticoats with their teeth.)
Daddy Bush really needs to do is to do what white collar Japanese criminals do: go on TV, weep openly, and apologize to the world for being terribly wrong. Americans are so eager to forgive.
Hell, Virginia Tech even lit a candle for the psycho that shot all their friends.
That’s the trash, Brothers and Sisters. The irredeemable trash.