DREGULATOR VOL. VI # 19 : THE EYES OF LAURA BUSH

“Whoever controls the media, the images, controls the culture.”
— Allen Ginsberg

For my fellow poetry lovers, a haiku commemorating the Great Britney MTV Video Music Awards Train Wreck of ’07, written in “Dick and Jane” primer-style:
Look at fat Britney.
Britney can’t dance. She sees Spots.
Do not look at Dick.
“[MTV] were just trying to get ratings…They knew [Britney] wasn’t ready and they exploited her,” rapper Kanye West told Sirius Satellite Radio.
“When Britney was opening (the VMA ceremony), near the end, I felt so bad for her. I said, ‘Man, it’s a dirty game. This game will chew you up and spit you out.'”
The chewing and spitting is a vicious media cycle – a veritable cultural bulimia. Take, for example, what the French newspaper Le Monde said about us the other day:
“The quasi-spontaneous solidarity that the US enjoyed the day after September 11, 2001, converted to distrust at best, hostility at worst. Never has the United States’ popularity, and that of its president, been as low as it is now on all continents.”
It’s true. What’s worse, we are getting slammed by a category 5-level, bread & circus propaganda campaign.
I mean, come on: what could be a more alluring, prurient distraction to a frightened and confused American public on the sixth anniversary of 9/11 (and the fact that the crater at Ground Zero is still a crater) than the horrible spectacle of General Petraeus in those bad hair extensions and Kevlar bikini, doing that lackluster dog & pony show in front of all those snarky luminaries of the House Armed Services Committee?
“The military are objectives of the surge are being met,” Petraeus lip-synched into a fritzy microphone, while members of the media snickered in dismay.
Not since Colin Powell was photographed getting out of an unarmored Hummer without any panties, or Alberto Gonzales wrapped his Mercedes around the Department of Justice while chasing the mother of a recently fired U.S. attorney has there been such a media “fustercluck.”
In the meantime, there is a general casting call going out to totally inappropriate and unqualified administrative cronies like Ted Olsen in an effort to re-cast the role of attorney general in the Department of Justice’s ongoing donkey show, now that Gonzo is being deported back to Texaco.
Meanwhile, Osama Bin Laden, quoted in Le Monde, said that George Bush “repeats the mistakes the Soviets committed in Afghanistan, by refusing to acknowledge the setbacks suffered by the American Army in Iraq. Your position is oh-so-very like theirs about twenty years ago.”
Will these Hollywood types never learn?
Laura Bush, for example, seems to keep doing the same thing, expecting to get different results. The tabloids say she’s so desperate, she’s even writing about it:
“As their marriage began to crumble [Laura] used [her] diaries as a form of therapy for her despair over their failing relationship,” a quote-unquote ‘family source’ told the Globe.
“I’m sure Laura has written it all down – her efforts to stop [the President] from drinking, the night she walked out on him after a bitter confrontation over Condi Rice, and her failed efforts to save their marriage… If she publishes her eyewitness account of her husband’s meltdown in office… it would turn what’s already a failing presidency into a disaster zone!”
Well, fiends, hopefully someone will get him into rehab before he shaves his head, or invades Iran without a better stylist. At least Britney only had one big bomb left in her.
“Is she going to be the next Michael Jackson?” Jay Marose, a former pop publicist for the Backstreet Boys, wondered, re: Britney, to the New York Times. “She’s been on her own for so long, calling the shots in this bubble….The ‘train wreck’ can’t be her shtick.”
Tell it to the Commander in Chief, Ms. Spears…I’m sure he’ll understand. You’re both the most discussed disgusts in show business. Besides, he owes you one. After all, you even went on TV to convince your fans to “trust our President” in his decision to declare war on Iraq, back in your wonder years, before you were persona non panty.
Perhaps it is time to YouTube your heavily sedated rendition of “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” ….the presents you’ve already given him, after all, are priceless. The ones he took from the rest of us were even more expensive.
Stay cool, fiends. It’s not quite nuclear winter yet – just the edge of a very long fall, befalling us.