DREGULATOR, VOL VI # 15: KING DICK’S BRAVE CONQUERING OF CALIFORNIA

This story happened six long years ago, so nobody remembers, except for old wise elves like Jason Leopold, ex-LA bureau chief for Dow Jones Newswire, who just did an investigative report for Truthout.org.
ONCE there was a Thomas Cruickshank, who, in the 1960’s, was the Vice President of an oil-field services company called Halliburton.
When Mr. Cruickshank stepped down, he handed his golden Halliburton crown to his good friend, Mr. Dick Cheney.
Mr. Cheney went on, in the year 2000, to become Vice President of the Entire World, with Dominion Over All Powers and Energies both Temporal and Thermonuclear.
In 2001, King President Bush, an oil man, told his Vice King Cheney to create an Energy Task Force which would help dictate energy policy throughout the land. Cheney and his friend, Ken Lay, King of Enron, had secret meetings with all the Kings of Energy from all over the world: Exxon Mobil Corp., Conoco, Shell Oil Co., BP America Inc., Chevron, and others, according to the Washington Post. “Nearly 300 people and organizations….Virtually every major oil and diversified energy company,” said the New York Times on Thursday.
Names of the participants are still a secret, but according to anonymous former Energy Department officials, all the most important white men were there: Karl Rove, Andy Card, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham, and even King Cheney’s old pal, Mr. Cruickshank, who was now on the board of directors of Williams Companies (a Fortune 200 company specializing in natural gas exploration, production, and processing, with numerous assets in petroleum and electricity generation). Another guest was Curt Hebert, chairman of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC).
(But Environmental groups felt left out: 13 representatives were invited to just one meeting. They hadn’t, after all, made major contributions to Republican candidates, like everyone else. At night, instead of pillow-top beds at the Hay-Adams, they were forced to sleep with wild goats in the parking garage.)
On the Energy Task Force, Cruikshank and the rest of the gang secretly helped advise Cheney on policy issues both foreign and domestic. The happy, fat-faced Kings also used this meeting (according to documents obtained by Judicial Watch from the Freedom of Information Act) to look at detailed maps of Iraqi oilfields, pipelines, and refineries.
Amazingly enough, these documents were dated March 2001….six months before 9/11 – which means that the Kings were psychic about Saddam Hussein’s connection to 9/11! (A connection which has since been refuted by every major intelligence source and news agency – but still.) At the very least, it was very prescient of King Cheney to orchestrate U.S. energy policies to perfectly anticipate U.S. military strategy!
During the month of meetings, the Kings also talked about deregulating the nation’s electricity sector….which could make them even more filthy-mega -rich than they already were.
But there was a problem. In March 2001, King Cruickshank came to Cheney frightened and disturbed, because meddling goblins from the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) were investigating Williams Companies (and another company called the AES Corporation) on suspicion that they had manufactured a fake power shortage in California for two weeks in April and May of 2000 by shutting down a power plant, so that Williams Companies could charge a $750 per megawatt hour premium to provide “emergency power” for California’s grid!
The FERC goblins had “incriminating audio tapes,” of a Williams official and an AES power plant operator talking about keeping a Southern California power plant offline. Cheney knew this information could be very bad for the whole project of energy deregulation – particularly since California’s governor, Gray Davis, was starting to smell a rat.
But — no problem! Cheney was so powerful, he simply issued a direct Executive Order to seal the FERC documents. They’re still sealed to this day! FERC entered into confidential settlements wherein Williams and other companies forfeited monies “owed” to them by California for the costly “emergency” power, but they didn’t have to tell California officials anything about their skeevy market manipulations or confess any collusion or wrongdoing.
And just to keep things extra-safe, Cheney and pal Karl Rove organized a smear campaign. On May, 21, 2001 — five days after unveiling his official energy policy — Cheney told Tim Russert on “Meet the Press” that all the energy problems in California were Gray Davis’s fault.
Shortly thereafter, poor Gray Davis was booted out of his governorship mid-season and replaced by big German Republican movie star, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And the moral of the story is: Fiends don’t need morals. Hahahaha. Boom.